A Gift of Insight
by Alias
Summary: So. . . what do you get when you look on the inside for a change? *shounen ai, Kensuke, stand-alone prologue*


Hiya! Been a while, I think.  
  
I disclaim! I disclaim!  
  
Kensuke warning, not yet though. First of about 3 chapters.  
  
  
  
  
~Daisuke~  
  
I am no stranger to love. I've been bouncing around between crushes my entire life. Yeah, so my life has only consisted of 15 years, but saying it the first way sounds better. First it was Hikari, then it was Miyako, then it was Takeru, (which even surprised me) and then Mimi. Crushing all over the Digidestined has become a hobby of mine.  
  
Those were all innocent crushes, but now I think I am actually in love. I don't ever not want to be around this person, and their very presence makes me giddy and stupid. More so than usual. There's no real way to explain this, but I'll simplify as best as I can. I'd rather be around this person than not. No, not accurate enough. I'd die from prolonged separation from this person.  
  
And the burning question now is- who? It's Ken. I knew it would be, from the minute our hearts were beating at the same time. It's not like I was going to admit it though, I repressed it for a long time. I even messed around with Miyako, to try and confirm my heterosexuality.  
  
Needless to say, Miyako Inoue did not take well to the fact that I used her and am crushing on her love interest.  
  
Her and the rest of the world be damned, I'm going to love this guy as long as I damn well please.  
  
Silly me, I forgot the introductions. I'm Daisuke Motomiya, and I am currently in one of my rare insightful periods. It's been going on for 2 days, and I am going to try and get all my soul searching out before it runs out.  
  
So I'm only 15, I'm years beyond everyone else. What with the Digital World and all, I feel at least 25. The bouncer at the club near us and the bartender at the hotel may see it differently, though.  
  
I am in love with Ken Ichijouji. I know it; somewhere there is the steel fact that I love him. He doesn't feel the same way. I know that too. I might be optimistic, but I am also a realist. I learned fast after Hikari crushed me. That hurt, but a life lesson was learned. I hold no expectations about me and Ken. I do hold dreams, and hopes, but they are empty and I know they will never come true.  
  
This is getting to bleak for me. I mentally adjust myself into a more shallow depth, and conveniently forget all the deep things that scare me.  
  
What can I say, it's a gift. I want to be insightful and think about things that would scare the hell out of anyone else, and then when that gets to much I can turn myself back into the lovable chatty, stupid Daisuke. I'm not going to go ahead and call it multiple personalities on demand, but that is pretty much an accurate description.  
  
Chibimon notices me staring out the window, and is about to say something. He raises one of his little paws, opens his mouth, and pauses. He lowers his hand and closes his mouth with a little "snap" from his teeth, slumping down into a pillow on the floor. He didn't notice me looking out of the corner of my eye at what he was doing.  
  
Chibimon has learned that I don't do much outside of my head when in one of these moods. I live up here, and my body is pretty much on autopilot. Therefore, no speaking is very animated. I would like to talk to someone, but I really don't want to tell any one anything. Something like irony, I think. Ken knows about that stuff, and when I need to I ask him. I don't need things like 'spelling' and 'grammar' and 'definitions' clouding up my thoughts.  
  
Something about Ken gives him the ability to store that all away in the very back of his head and only think about it when asked to. I wish I had a knowledge bank like that, but that's not my gift.  
  
I decide to get up. I vaguely feel that my left leg is kind of numb; probably from the way I'm sitting. I always sit on my legs; it's just comfortable like that. So what if it restricts the blow flow, I think it's nice. One of the other odd quirks about me- I think I'm invincible. Nothing can hurt me. I chalk this up to never being hurt, and I might just be right. I've survived the Digiworld, I'm survived a childhood full of soccer, I've survived running across the highway to get home when I'm running late. If nothing has hurt me so far, nothing will hurt me in the future. It's a stupid thought, but I hold it in the highest regard.  
  
Time to switch modes, I make myself stupid and happy and sit at the dinner table.  
  
  
~Ken~  
  
I've always had a gift for insight. I've always been able to step out of my life for a second and view it as someone else looking in.  
  
Frankly, I have discovered my life sucks. Because not only so I have a severely damaged psyche, I am gay. Yup, another thing that differentiates me from the mainstream. It's getting tiring; I have to get out a notebook to list the things that make me different.  
  
Let's closely examine the one that has been paining me recently- Daisuke. His name, his. . . self, his personality, has haunted my dreams. He is in almost every one of my thoughts. And I love him. . . I guess. I don't want to be without him, and a relationship with him wouldn't exactly be terrible, to say the least. I say love because it is generic enough. Like like is more accurate, despite its nonsensicalness. Wait. . . that is not a word. It's something Daisuke does to me- removes the ability for me to think clearly.  
  
I remember a long time ago when I finally realized that I like him. I though of telling someone, and I didn't have much of a choice (considering my friends consisted of 5 people). I first considered Miyako, with the whole 'love' thing. I only had to think about it for a minute, and then I remembered that she had been crushing all over me for what seemed to be 5 years. I banished the thought of even seeing her at the time. I couldn't tell Takeru, he wasn't that close to me. Neither was Iori. My only options were Hikari and Daisuke, and I sure as hell wasn't going to go to Daisuke.  
  
My mind was made up, I would talk to Hikari. Despite what the laws of sociality and personality allow, Hikari and I did become good friends. I have no idea why, but we are almost like brother and sister. Naturally, you go to someone close for getting discrete secrets off of your chest. Plus, Hikari had this freaky gift of being the empathic one, and for some reason she always knew more than you do about yourself.  
  
Nice and creepy, but it can come in handy.  
  
I went over to the Yagami residence, and after several minutes of floundering and stuttering, I told her. Like I stated before, Daisuke has an uncanny ability to remove my ability to think. She said that she already knew. It totally and completely chilled me to my core, even though she was all sweetness and light. Then I realized that I had been completely obvious whenever Daisuke was around, like sighing or blushing when he left the room, and it calmed me down considerably.  
  
We talked about it on and off over the next couple months, mainly with the conversation ending in her demanding I tell him. That's the fatal suggestion, that usually ends in heartbreak and a loss of friendship. I told her such, and she waved her hand, dismissing my fears.  
  
"What if he likes you back?" she said.  
  
That's what got my mind stirring. I had thought of it before, but I always dismissed it. I never thought that something would work out for me, the universe's eternal joke. I swear, sometimes I think someone is laughing because of my life.  
  
I'm going to go through with it. I am going to tell him. Consequences be damned, I need to get this off of my chest.  



End file.
